"​Finding it hard to build new relationships doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. You have changing responsibilities and obligations, and less time for playful adventures. There may be limited opportunities to meet new people, depending on your schedule and where you live. Be gentle with yourself if this is a struggle."

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Making friends is often easy when we’re small, spending our days with other kids the same age at school, in extracurricular activities, and in our neighbourhood. As we get older, change schools, or leave school for the work force, making friends becomes more challenging. If you’re feeling lonely, there are many ways to find new friends in the life you’re building as an adult. Consider expanding your search for friendship to people in other demographics – people of different ages, cultures, etc. A few ways to meet
people include:

Join a club or interest group. If you like to read, you may find a book club at a local bookstore or the library. If you sing or play an instrument, look for a choir or a community band. Consider whether there’s a group that meets at a game store or community centre for role-playing or other board games. If you enjoy sports, there may be a recreational league in your area, or a pick-up game at the gym.
 

Volunteer. Community organizations that engage volunteers often have participants of all ages contributing to their activities. Look for a program that interests you – maybe you have a special skill to offer or there’s some type of work you always wanted to try. Volunteering offers you an opportunity for personal development, and it allows you to give of your time and energy to a good cause while meeting folks who may share common values and interests.

Look for the solo ones. If you’re at an event or activity in the community, you may notice others who are there on their own. Say hello, make a little friendly small talk and see if there might be an opportunity to connect. Even if you only have a brief conversation and it doesn’t spark a new friendship, you’ll have brightened someone’s day as well as your own with a pleasant exchange. Be yourself! You’re an interesting and caring person, so let that shine through. You’re also a person with challenges from time to time, and this is true of everyone. Give yourself grace and don’t think you have to be perfect to make friends.

Don’t compare! What you’re seeing on the surface when you meet people, and what you see on social media is only a small part of the whole picture. Everyone has challenges, everyone gets lonely and it isn’t necessary to compare the picture of all the aspects of your life to someone’s curated display of their highlights.

Even when you follow all the tried-and-true strategies for meeting new people, it can be hard to connect and build a friendship. Making friends as we get older is actually hard work! Finding it hard to build new relationships doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. You have changing responsibilities and obligations, and less time for playful adventures. There may be limited opportunities to meet new people, depending on your schedule and where you live. Be gentle with yourself if this is a struggle.

 

Remember, it’s okay to be alone. You can be good company for yourself. Make your favourite foods, do activities you enjoy to pass time, or maybe try a new hobby. If you’re introverted, this may feel more comfortable, but if you’re extroverted this can be very challenging. Self-awareness will help you process your lonely feelings. Learning to be alone and taking good care of yourself can lay a foundation for a healthy approach to relationships of all kinds for the future.

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